Thankfully, this photo is a funny, dramatic exaggeration that I found on my recent trip to Nashville (from Amelia Style's East Nashville boutique). I'm pretty sure I have more magazines than issues (because I'm a print publication fanatic).
But I have been learning a lot lately from the less-fun parts of life. More specifically, I've been letting the sad/frustrated/annoying things teach me more about ME, rather than dwelling on the circumstance or other people who I used to think were to blame. Can we just create a safe, open place here? There definitely are issues sometimes. Life circumstances or incidences with people can be really aggravating. Can I tell you something? Feeling that way doesn't make you a bad person. What matters is what you do with those feelings. If you're like me in the sense that you're big into personal development, the exciting thing is that these moments of aggravation can mold you into the most captivating version of yourself, if you choose to use them that way.
How does one use these lame/dumb/so-not-fun moments to make us better rather than just feeling icky? After reading Jen Sincero's book, You are a Badass, I stopped punching pillows while I was mad and started asking myself questions. (Far better on the heart, and the hands too.) I started asking questions like:
What story am I writing in my head when I'm upset? How am I perceiving reality? And am I making any big assumptions along the way? (That almost, usually, always is a "yes".)
While offended or confused, it's so easy to fill holes in our understanding with emotional explanations. "Everything is going to suck from now on." "She totally tried stabbing me in the back." "This is all my fault, and I can't do anything right." (Using definitive words like, "everything," "totally," "anything," "always," etc. is a pretty good sign you are writing a story for your reality.
How is writing that story adding to my life?
The answer is usually: "Well, I feel a lot crappier. I get to feel right, and I get to feel safer, but I feel grumpy and isolated, too." The knee-jerk reaction stories we write about our circumstances and the other people in them usually do not add what we thing they do to our lives. They don't make us right (as if that's even REALLY important). They don't make us safer. They don't make us "prepared" for when (IF) it happens again. And they sure as hell don't make us happier or more grateful or closer to the kind of people we want to be.
What does this say about me?
Gosh. This is the hard one. What or who gets you really upset? Like, really worked up? Now, imagining that feeling, what does that feeling say about you? What is is saying you are insecure about? Worried about? Try to avoid? Does feeling that way point out to you a trait you want to develop? Or does it indicate a trait you are happy to not have but need to be less judgmental about? Does getting so worked up about it reveal that you are too rigged or too relaxed? It's time that we own our ugly, because it is only when we do that, we can turn it into our beauty.
Lastly, I have been trying to finish this sentence in every up-side-down, totally undesirable moment:
"This is good because..."
...it is showing me that I need to work on an area in my life.
...the rain ruined my hair, but it cleaned my car. And my hair was probably TOO good anyway.
...now I realize I kind of have to be nicer to dog people and. (Not really, I love my dog.)
...the project was a disaster this time, but now I can plan for it next time around.
...even though I procrastinated and hated my life 3 nights before the deadline, I'll start earlier next time.
I'm working on owning my ugly so I can love people better and love myself better. Oh, how important the self love is, my friends. You cannot pour from what is empty. Love yourself until you are just so totally grossed out by the gushy love from yourself, and you need to cool down the self-love a little because you are making everyone else in the room uncomfortable. Bad for gross couples, good for your self-love.
PS - I found those AMAZING blush, suede slider loafers at HALF the price on Zappos (sorry, Amelia). You know your girl got a pair. Just a heads up. (;
With relentless ambition + passion I live intentionally to take my dreams from plans to reality + empower other women to do the same. I'm a Trades of Hope founder, public speaker, and designer living in Washington, D.C. When I'm not following fashion trends, re-heating thai food left overs, or playing with my matching redhead pup, I'm offering up fashion shortcuts, life lessons I'm learning, and free wallpapers to remind you of how much you've got this.