It angers me how it's commonly believed that my generation's relationship pain and dating struggles are some kind of juvenile, modern thing. That "why didn't he text me back?!" or "man, she's like obsessed with me" or "how do I know if he's the one?" are somehow thought to be new concepts in a digitalized, hyper-sexualized world within the last 60 years.
It angers me because Satan has been getting away with it. He's been hiding where the break-ups, the tears, and the dating pain has been weaved into God's Word and Heart as far back as Genesis, as far back as the Fall, beginning with the Curse. In Genesis 3:16, God came to Adam and Eve after humanity's first sin, saying that things would never be the same.
Genesis 3:16b "Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."
The word desire is critical here. The Hebrew word for "desire" here is teshuqah, which means craving. This craving isn't just hungry for a midnight snack, however. This craving is an animalistic hunger, "bordering on disease," a violent craving. This violent craving would be women desiring "for your husband." The hebrew word for "husband" here is iysh, translating to man with an emphasis on the opposite of God.
What does this mean? After the Fall, part of the curse over women for Eve's sinning was this: To harbor a violent craving for men. We hunger after them. Their comfort, their approval, their love. We make them our gods.
The craving makes us do really stupid things. It makes us forget who we are. It makes us buy the small tops and the push up bras. It makes us teen moms. It makes us Victoria Secret models. It makes us actresses who play compromising roles. It makes us the spotlight of this hyper-sexualized world and continuously feeds into Satan's merry-go-round of lust.
At the root of all this stupidity is control. We want to control our lives + We want to control a guy = We want to control a guy in order to control the outcome we want for our lives. Heartbreakingly, tangled in a web, the more we that we seek to be in control, the more we become controlled by the curse of the craving.
Teshuqah or the violent craving is used again in Genesis 4:7, "sin is crouching at the door ; and its desire [teshuqah, animalist craving] is for you, but you must master it." If we allow the craving to master us, we will become self-focused, self-pitying, and ultimately self-destructive. If we live under the craving, what we long for the most: the Prince Charming, the love, the God-glorifying marriage, will never come.
Being hungry for God's love and being hungry for a man's love are two different hungers, and they require two different answers. When we go to guys to fulfill our hunger for God's love, we get hurt, disappointed, a drown deeper in the craving. Surprisingly, the only way to master the craving is not to try harder, be better, or continue striving -- but to simply release control to God. We cannot keep anything God has given us unless we give it away. We must trust our hearts with the One who created it.
He is able to quiet the longing of my heart in a way that is above anything this world can offer. When God is the only God in my life, the first One who comforts, approves, and loves me -- no matter what is going on in my life and who is or isn't loving me well -- I am satisfied. Jesus is enough. God is sovereign. I crave nothing.
Song of Solomon 7:10 "I am my beloved's, And his desire [teshuqah, craving] is for me.